Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Two Weeks Sober!!!

Its been two weeks since I've had any alcohol!  I thought the first two weeks would be more difficult but I have been very busy with work and the last four days I have been sick with bronchitis.  I think staying busy is extremely important in the beginning of this alcohol free journey.  I have barely had any time to go out with my friends so it has been easy to stay away from alcohol.

I had two occasions in the last two weeks where I didn't have alcohol and in the past I would have.  The first was going out to dinner with D.  We hadn't been out for a date night in awhile so we made it a priority.  In the past I would have had a drink or two at the house while we were getting ready to go out.  He had a beer at home before as we were getting ready and I was kind of tense because I didn't have a drink.  I felt uptight and somewhat anxious.  We went to the restaurant and I ordered a water and D ordered another beer.  At this time I started to relax a bit.  We know the owner of the restaurant and he came over at one point and offered to buy me a glass of wine and I politely declined, he was insisting that it went very well with the pasta dish that I was eating.  I just said that I had to be up very early the next day and would pass.  Besides being a little anxious at the house before we left the rest of the night was great!  It was nice not trying to moderate myself and worrying about overdoing it, or going to bed feeling guilty or waking up feeling crappy.  Plus since I wasn't drinking I had plenty of room for homemade gelato!

The second event was my monthly Book Club that I hosted.  My book club consists of about 10 ladies. We do a book exchange and just hang out and eat snacks and drink wine.  I was tense before people came over.  Normally I would have a glass of wine or two as I prepare appetizers and get the house ready but this month I just stuck to water.  I even escaped to my bathroom to practice some deep relaxation breathing as my friends were arriving.  WTH?!?!  Who has to go hide in their bathroom when their friends come over to breathe and relax?  That seems so weird to me.  Was I using alcohol before to handle some social anxieties that I have?  Once we all started laughing and having fun I relaxed.  I drank herbal tea all night.  One friend mentioned me just drinking tea and I just brushed it off and said that I may have wine later - even though I knew I DEFINITELY wasn't having wine later.  I just wasn't interested in explaining my new choice to everyone yet.

I am starting to wonder if maybe I have some type of social anxiety?  It seems that I get tense and want alcohol before some kind of event or outing.  Not sure if that is just habit or because I am nervous.  I am going to therapy to work on some of these issues.  I am not a "therapy person"  I have been to 4 sessions in my 32 years of life but figured it can't hurt.  Plus I have extra money now that I am not spending it on alcohol!  But therapy is NOT cheap.  As I learn more I will keep you posted!

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